holidays 2020

December 2020

Dear friends,

It’s been a rough year. Several friends lost parents to the coronavirus or other illnesses. Other friends contracted the virus, yet thankfully recovered. My thoughts are with all who have struggled with health or lost loved ones this year. My thoughts are also with those of you who have lost jobs, suffered pay cuts, or have otherwise struggled due to the pandemic.

My immediate family has also dealt with health issues. My sister and father have had various health concerns yet keep holding on. And Momma's radiation treatment last year may have slowed the growth of her lung cancer but did not kill it. Chemotherapy this year didn’t kill it, either, and she suffered debilitating side effects. Yet, after a bleak prognosis from her oncologist, and some new meds for her chronic lymphocytic leukemia, Momma is feeling better, at least for now, and is as feisty and interfering in my life as ever. Nothing like bad news to perk up my lineage. 😊

Treatment having failed, the lung cancer will eventually kill Momma, and she knows it, yet her equanimity is impressive. Not too long ago she sent me an email which read, “Today I am leading the book group at the synagogue. So-and-so was going to lead it, but she died, so now I am leading it.” The Buddha would be impressed, too.

I have been appreciative of my friends’ inquiries about Momma’s health throughout the year. I will miss her terribly when she is no longer in this life.

As for me, and as for many, my struggles this year were more internal: I have struggled with loneliness and depression, even more than usual. Thankfully, I am addicted to regular exercise, including yoga, which helps to mitigate. My piano and piano lessons over Zoom have been a source of comfort and growth. Next year I will investigate fostering a cat, since adopting a hippopotamus, while obviously preferable, alas, seems impractical. For now. 😉

And I don’t want the loneliness and depression to go away entirely. I can’t help but think the pandemic was nature’s wakeup call for us to pause and observe our current existence, and see where there is pain, personal or global, in need of remedy. Discomfort can spur us to act, and nothing aggravates me more than toxic positivity.

In the meantime, it’s been a year of impaired existence, constrained by masks and limited social interactions. We’re not making many new memories; we’re just trying to survive. It’s been a time of assessing the past versus working towards the future. I’ve found myself visiting places and things filled with memories: Ithaca, NY, and Cornell; extended stays in in New York City; my photos, journals, and yearbooks. Between these travels and double pigeon (yoga pose), I find memories -- good, bad, awkward, embarrassing – bubbling to the surface, all part of a journey backward. At least that is more interesting than the current mix of ennui and fear.

I re-read the editorial I wrote – with a heavy lift from my 9^th grade English teacher – for my junior high school yearbook. Borrowing from Francis Bacon, the theme was “Knowledge is power.” I noted how scientific discoveries had advanced civilization through the millennia. I was hopeful then.

I no longer think that statement is true. We have millions of books, thousands of journals and journal articles, sources of knowledge online and in print. We are drowning in knowledge. Yet none of that knowledge was able to prevent or stop this pandemic timely.

Bill Gates gave a TED talk in 2015 warning us about the risk of a pandemic, yet many were surprised when it arrived. The prior administration prepared a handbook for future administrations to use in case of a pandemic. Yet still, America failed in testing, in providing personal protective equipment, in tracing contacts, and ultimately in flattening the curve and controlling the spread.

I've come to see that while knowledge can lead to power, it is not equivalent. Knowledge must be applied effectively. Researchers have to work across disciplines, to make sure their findings are accessible to all those who need to hear them and become institutionalized. The elitism that permeates academia – and parts of government, by extension, which I’ve seen first-hand – only serves to alienate further those parts of the public that are already skeptical of experts.

Yet it is also incumbent on the public to be willing students, to stay informed and heed guidance. On an A train where a gently humorous sign showing right and wrong ways of wearing masks was posted, there were people on that same train wearing masks under their noses.

Of course, it doesn’t help when some of our leaders, for political gain, give mixed messages about proper behavior. While some direct their anger at opportunistic and craven elected officials – not unjustifiably -- I reserve most of mine for those who voted these cretins in.

So, at a time when we are overflowing with knowledge and technology, we have been anything but empowered during this crisis. Instead, we've gotten sick, watched loved ones get sick and die, seen faceless numbers in the news, how many infected, how many people died today, states in different shades of red on an online map. I feel especially badly for the health care and essential workers who have risked and lost their lives to sustain the rest of us. And the reports of people storming state capitols and attending large events without masks are disheartening.

It is difficult to quantify how often this is happening. Yet, America is dubiously leading the world in COVID-19 cases and deaths, and has among the highest of cases per capita among nations. Clearly, America is handling this pandemic atrociously.

Many of us don't seem to learn from the past. There were battles over wearing masks 100 years ago during the 1918 flu pandemic. And here we are again. We have the same problems generation after generation, whether problems with governance or tolerance. It is disappointing.

Thankfully, we are on the cusp of receiving vaccines, a relatively small comfort amidst vast suffering. I am grateful for the applied wisdom and perseverance of our scientists. In the meantime, it will be a difficult winter ahead. In the long-term, we still need to deal with climate change. It is enheartening that President-elect Biden will be creating a cabinet-level position dedicated to climate change. I fear it will be too little, and way too late.

Wishing you and your families resilience and safety during the holidays and in the months to come. Feel free to drop me a note to let me know how you are doing, especially if it’s been a while.

Love,

Rich